Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
