my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
