did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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