I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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