ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
