there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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