it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
