Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
This is classic penis vs brain.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
