Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
