I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
