if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
