One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
