Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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