I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
