Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
