I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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