ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
