there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
