He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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