you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
