Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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