He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
