yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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