Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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