I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
