This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
