Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
