i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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