he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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