Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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