Duck Duck Cougar?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
