Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
