I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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