I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
