You made me cry and you don't even care
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
