Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
