I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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