Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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