she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
