Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
