Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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