So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
