I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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