already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
