your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
