I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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