guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm at about main and main street
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
