Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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