playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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