I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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