I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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