He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
